


Under My Breath

by thatwriterlady



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas pulls away, Castiel and Romantic/Sexual Orientation, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean admits he loves Cas too, Dean and Romantic/Sexual Orientation, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendly Dean, M/M, Mild Angst, Misunderstandings, Shy Castiel, Sweet, Worried Mary, Worried Naomi, heart broken castiel, it ends happy, reconnecting, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5048767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwriterlady/pseuds/thatwriterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten year old Cas has no friends, no one save for his older brother Gabe, if that's what you want to call "friendship".  When his father announces that the family is getting together with some family friends, and that those friends have kids roughly around his age, he's skeptical.  Other kids tend not to like him.  Will these ones?</p><p>Cas meets Dean Winchester for the first time on a warm summer day, and he finds his best friend in the world.  But will that friendship last?</p><p>Based on this song here:  https://youtu.be/lm-JV350flU</p><p>I am a huge fan of Chester and this just sort of came to me last night as I was introducing Monijune to Chester's music.  I'd forgotten that I wanted to do a fic based on this song, and once I was reminded, there was no stopping me.  Swap out the girl and stick Dean in her place, and you'll followe along with the story.  I put my own spin on it, like I usually do.  I hope you all like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under My Breath

**Author's Note:**

> So enjoy, my darlings. I felt inspired because I love this song so much. I hope you will like it too.

[](http://www.pizap.com/image/707476471pizapw1445477010.jpg)  
[piZap](http://www.pizap.com/u/707476471) on [piZap.com](http://www.pizap.com)

 

**Cas-Age 10**

“Come on kids, we’re going to the park. We’re meeting up with my friend John and his family for a barbecue,” Chuck Novak called out. 

“Do they have kids?” Cas asked.

“Yes they do, two little boys and a little girl,” Chuck replied as he and his wife, Naomi, worked together to pack two coolers. Chuck was filling one with meat and ice while Naomi filled the other with ice, juice, and soda.

“How old are they?” Cas asked. Chuck sighed. Kids loved to ask a million questions.

“I think the oldest is around your age maybe? Their youngest is around Anna’s age.” Cas looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Can I bring a book?” he finally asked.

“The opportunity to play with other kids arises, and you want to read a book?” Chuck paused with a package of chicken in his hand and looked at his son with one eyebrow arched.

“I like to read,” Cas said, frowning as he took in his father’s look of exasperation. Chuck’s expression softened and he smiled.

“If you would like, you can bring a book, but…,” he made sure his son was looking him in the eye before he continued. When his son’s blue eyes locked on his own hazel ones he continued. “You will not bury your nose in it and be rude if someone tries to talk to you or asks you to play. Do you understand?” Cas nodded.

“Yes, sir.” Chuck smiled again before jerking his head towards the stairs. 

“Go tell your brother to get his lazy butt out of bed, and make sure Anna’s dressed and her teeth are brushed, please.” Cas nodded and disappeared up the stairs. Chuck watched him go before turning to look at his wife.

“What are we going to do with him? He doesn’t have any friends.” 

“He has Gabe. They’re very close,” she said.

“Gabe’s his brother. He needs friends. I hope he gets along with the Winchester kids. John insists they’re good kids. Last time I saw them Dean was about five and Sam was just turning one. They were sweet then. With Mary raising them I can’t imagine they’d be little heathens.” Chuck scratched at his beard. Maybe Cas and Dean would hit it off. He really hoped so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gabe didn’t want to go to the barbecue, and he made sure his parents knew this the entire drive to the park.

“Dad…I’m fourteen! Why do I have to go?” he whined.

“We are a family, Gabriel. Do you understand the concept of family? As a family we will do things together, such as having barbecues. You will be on your best behavior or you can kiss that Walkman goodbye, do you understand?” Chuck’s tone was firm, leaving no room for argument. Gabe slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms angrily before glaring out the window. Cas looked at his little sister, Anna, who was sitting in her car seat between the two brothers. He was glad she was acting as a buffer. If he were sitting next to his brother he was likely to take the brunt of his anger.

“You just want me to babysit,” Gabe mumbled under his breath.

“I’m ten, I can take care of myself,” Cas piped up, offended that his brother thought he still needed to be treated like a baby.

“I’m six!” Anna chimed in, not wanting to be left out. Gabe shot her a look of annoyance before sticking his tongue out at Cas.

“Oh, real mature,” Cas’ voice was dripping with sarcasm as he rolled his eyes.

“Knock it off,” Naomi warned. Annoyed at having been yelled at, Cas grabbed his book and turned to where he had left off. It was a short ride to the park, but he wanted to ignore his family for as long as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re here!” Naomi announced cheerfully ten minutes later. Cas was glad. If Anna sang “It’s a Small World” one more time he was likely to stuff his book down her throat. He helped her out of her seat and took her hand as they slid out of the car. Naomi came around to straighten Anna’s shirt and shorts and make sure she hadn’t messed up her braid before taking her youngest child’s hand and starting across the parking lot towards the park.

Cas held on to his sister’s other hand as a nervous feeling began to creep over him. Other kids tended to be mean to him for no real reason other than that he was quiet, and he worried that his dad’s friend’s kids would pick on him too. His brother Gabe was made to pull one of the coolers while his dad pulled the other, and he noticed someone waving in their direction. A tall man with a beard like his dad’s, though his was darker, and standing next to him was a pretty blonde woman. The man’s wife, he assumed.

“Hey! Good to see you again! Chuck greeted the man with a quick hug and a friendly slap on the back before the introductions started. 

“I know it’s been a while but you remember Naomi, right? Last time you saw Gabe and Cas they were still in diapers. Gabe’s fourteen now and Cas is ten. This is our angel, Anna. She’s six.” Chuck scooped Anna up in his arms and turned her around so she could see John and his wife at eye level. 

“Well hello, Anna. Aren’t you a pretty girl. Who did the pretty braid in your hair, your mom?” John tugged playfully on the end of Anna’s hair and she graced him with a grin, showing all her missing teeth.

“Yep! My mama braids my hair all the time. Sometimes she puts two braids in!” Anna exclaimed.

“My wife, Mary, does that with our daughter Charlotte’s hair too. We call her Charlie though. Charlie doesn’t like her hair braided though.” John turned around and motioned to a little girl with hair the color of pure fire. She set down the juice box she’d been working on and walked over. John picked her up and turned her so she could see Anna.

“This is Charlie. Charlie, say hi to Anna.”

“Hi, Anna! Want to play wif me?” Charlie asked excitedly. Anna nodded, her grin growing even wider. They put the little girls down and immediately they ran off.

“Gabe, keep an eye on them please,” Naomi said.

“Knew it,” Gabe grumbled to himself as he put his headphones on and followed after the girls. 

“Oh, the teenage attitude. What fun!” John laughed.

“Just wait, you’ll be there soon enough yourself!” Chuck laughed with him. John snapped his fingers and two boys got up from a blanket under a nearby tree.

“This is my oldest boy, Dean, and Sammy. Dean’s turning ten in a couple of months. Sammy just turned five. Charlie’s four.” John said. Cas was watching Dean who was busy looking up at his dad. He realized the boy was awaiting his next orders.

“Why don’t you show Cas what you brought along, Dean? Maybe he’d like to play too,” Mary said to her son. Dean turned then, his gaze falling on the other boy. For a moment Cas forgot how to breathe.

“Sure. Hi Cas, do you like card games?” Dean asked.

“Some I do. Sometimes my brother lets me play with him,” Cas replied as his father pushed him so he’d follow Dean back to the blanket under the tree.

“I play too!” Sam said excitedly as he followed the two older boys. As they sat down Dean rolled his eyes.

“You don’t even know how to play. You just take my cards and make stuff up.” 

“I do not!” Sam pouted but instead of maintaining his tantrum he turned and picked up a weird box and settled down next to his brother with it. As Cas watched he picked up some plates and slid them into the slots before putting a piece of paper over it and closing the strange lid.

“What is that?” Cas pointed at the box as Sam found a box of crayons and fished one out. Dean glanced over at his brother before turning his attention back to the cards he was trying and failing to shuffle.

“It’s a dress up game thing. You can mix and match the outfits and then you put the paper over it, press down the crayon and the picture appears on the paper. It’s kind of neat, but I wish they had some GI Joes, or Transformers. Mom could only find a Barbie one,” Dean replied.

“Oh.” Cas watched as Sam pressed the blue crayon over the paper and slowly a Barbie in a fancy outfit began to appear. “That is pretty cool. I wonder if they make one with animals?”

“I want one with zoo animals!” Sam said excitedly. Cas smiled.

“Yes, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?” He sat back just as Dean lost control of the cards and they went flying.

“What game is this?” Cas asked.

“Snap. Help me pick up the cards?” Dean was grabbing all the ones he could see.

“Of course.” Cas grabbed the ones that had flown past him and handed them back.

“Thanks,” Dean smiled and once again Cas was taken aback by how green the other boy’s eyes were.

“Y-you’re welcome,” he replied softly.

“So, Cas. Do you know how to play Snap?” Dean asked. Cas shook his head.

“It’s ok, buddy. I’ll teach you.” Dean patted his shoulder and Cas couldn’t help but smile.

“Ok,” he agreed. Maybe he’d actually make a friend this time.

 

“Your brother cheats!” Dean huffed as he crossed his arms and shot Gabe a dirty look.

“He thinks because he’s so much older that he doesn’t have to count to a hundred like the rest of us. It’s not fair, and I should tell dad he’s cheating,” Cas said loud enough for his brother to hear. Gabe flipped him the middle finger, causing both boys to gasp in shock.

“That’s a bad finger!” Dean looked to Cas with wide eyes.

“I know, and he knows he’s not supposed to do that!” Cas chastised. Gabe simply rolled his eyes.

“Look you wanted someone to hunt, and the girls and Sam are too young, so you’re stuck with me, like it or not.” 

“I think we should go play on the swings.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him in the direction of them.

“Ok, yeah! Let’s see who can go higher!” Dean pulled his hand away and raced ahead. Cas sprinted to keep up, beating his new friend to the swings.

“No fair!” Dean cried. Cas was already sitting on his chosen swing, a big, toothy grin on his face by the time Dean got to them. He grabbed the seat right next to Cas and immediately pulled back and started swinging. Cas followed suit and soon they were flying through the air, their legs pumping as they tried to outdo each other.

“Can you jump off a swing when it’s going?” Dean asked.

“No, I’ve never tried. It sounds scary,” Cas replied. They were now swinging almost even with one another so they didn’t have to shout anymore to be heard.

“It’s like flying. You have to bend your knees though. I don’t do it from this high though. Wanna see?” He looked over at Cas who nodded.

“But be careful, ok?”

Dean nodded and began the process of slowing down. When he had slowed to about half speed he jumped. Cas gasped as he watched Dean fly through the air, only to land a few feet in front of the swings. He turned around and grinned up at the boy who was still swinging.

“Try it!” he called out. Cas was nervous, but he wanted Dean to like him so he swallowed down that fear and began to slow his swinging down. When he was about down to where Dean had jumped he looked over at the other boy. Dean smiled, and Cas couldn’t help but smile back. He took a deep breath and jumped…

He didn’t land quite as gracefully as Dean had. Instead, he lost his footing as his feet hit the ground and stumbled forward, right into Dean, sending them both flying. The wind was knocked out of him as they hit the ground, but a moment later he heard laughter from underneath him and he looked down to see that he had landed on top of Dean, and the boy was laughing. This close up he could see all the freckles that spilled across the other boy’s nose and cheeks, and how those green eyes sparkled when he laughed. With a groan Cas sat back and got to his feet. He offered his hand and helped Dean up.

“Not bad for your first time. Now…” Dean slapped his shoulder. “Tag, you’re it!” He cried as he took off across the grass. Cas grinned and took off after him. He was going to catch that boy if it was the last thing he did!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The afternoon spent in the park with the Winchesters was the most fun Cas thought he’d ever had in his life. As the afternoon turned to evening Mary gathered the kids for pictures. She had an old polaroid and Cas was fascinated by the fact that he would get to see the pictures right away. He asked a million questions, which she answered patiently and when he looked back at Dean he was afraid the other boy would be annoyed by him. Instead Dean was looking at him and grinning.

“You’re smart, Cas. You like learning stuff. I like learning stuff too. Some of it’s just different stuff.”

Cas smiled shyly and kicked at the dirt under his feet. They were sitting on a bench in front of a raised garden, and the compliment Dean had just given him made him feel all warm inside.

“Move closer, I want a picture of the two of you together.” Mary appeared again with the camera and Dean did as instructed, moving closer until he and Cas were shoulder to shoulder.

“Can I have a picture too?” Cas asked her. She nodded.

“Of course, honey. Now smile.” 

The boys smiled for her, and she snapped the picture.

“I like you, Cas. You’re fun to hang out with. Maybe when we move here for good you can come play at my house.” Dean looked over at the other boy, who was practically beaming at him. No one ever wanted Cas to come over and play. 

“I-I like you too, Dean. I want to come over and play, and maybe you can come over and play too,” he replied shyly. 

“Yeah, I’ll bring my Transformers!” Dean promised.

“I have some too. We can fight the Decepticons together,” Cas said. He couldn’t help the smile as he toed the loose soil under his shoes again. Dean made him feel all funny inside. No one else he had ever met made him feel that way. Suddenly something was being waved under his nose and he looked up to see Mary smiling at him, offering him one of the pictures. He hadn’t even realized she’d taken the second one already. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Winchester,” he told her as he watched the picture develop. Dean leaned over his shoulder to watch with him.

“I still think it’s cool watching that,” he murmured.

“I agree.” Cas said. When the picture appeared, they both grinned. 

“It’s a nice one. I’m going to keep this when I get home,” Cas said, his voice barely above a whisper. Dean looked up, seeming to study his face for a moment.

“That’d be cool. So you don’t forget what I look like.” 

“I could never forget you, Dean.” He was being honest. Even if he never saw Dean again, he’d forever remember the boy with the short, wild blonde hair and bright green eyes. Dean reached around behind him to pick a handful of the daisies that were growing there. He was arranging them neatly while Cas watched him.

“Come on, Dean, we’re leaving now. It was so nice to see you, Cas, honey. We’ll get together again soon, ok?” Mary said as she motioned for Dean to get up and come with her.

“When?” Cas blurted. His chest ached at the thought of not getting to see Dean again.

“Well, I’ll call your mom and you can come to Dean’s birthday, how does that sound?” she asked. Cas’ face lit up.

“Oh, yes! I’ve never been to a birthday party before!” Dean looked absolutely shocked by that.

“Never?!” Cas looked over at him, suddenly feeling shy again. He lowered his eyes to the ground and shook his head.

“N-no, other kids…they don’t invite me anywhere,” he admitted. Dean looked up at his mother, a look of anger on his face before he turned back to his friend.

“Well, you’re invited to mine, and to Sammy’s and Charlie’s, right, Mom?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Now come on before your dad gets mad at us for being slow.” She held out her hand, and Dean got up from the bench. He stood for a moment in front of Cas before plucking one of the daisies from his little bouquet and holding it out.

“This is for you Cas. I’ll see you again soon, ok?”

Cas took the flower and smiled up at his friend. “Yeah, soon.” 

Dean gave a little wave as he watched Dean take his mother’s hand, and they started walking away. Dean’s words from earlier echoed in his head.

“ _I like you, Cas_.”

“I love you,” he whispered under his breath, and he was pretty sure he meant it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Cas-Age 15**

Dean had indeed invited him to his tenth birthday party, and his eleventh, and his twelfth, and every birthday since then. Now that they were fifteen they had a little more freedom to meet up since the Winchesters had formally moved to town two years earlier and Cas knew how to take the bus across town to get to their house. Dean was his best friend, and tonight was the actual party for Dean’s birthday. His actual birthday had been Monday but tonight was the party, and Cas was excited. Dean had invited him, just as he’d always done, but this was going to be extra special because today Cas was going to give Dean the picture his mom had taken of them the day they had first met. 

The party was loud and so far Cas had been having fun. As the time drew near for Dean to start opening his presents, Cas excused himself and went to the kitchen. He had saved up his allowance for three months to be able to afford the little picture frame that he planned to put the picture in. He pulled a marker from the back pocket of his jeans and as he felt his excitement build, he wrote the three little words he’d always been dying to say out loud to Dean across the back - “I Love You”. He carefully placed the picture inside the frame just as the doorbell rang. From where he stood in the kitchen he could see the front door, and that Dean was the one answering it. A moment later three girls were walking through the door. One of them stopped in front of Dean, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. Dean smiled wide as he helped her take her coat off. Cas thought his heart might break as he watched Dean take the girl by the hand and walk her over to the couch. When they say down, he put his arm around her and she leaned into him.

“Are you alright, honey?” Mary was asking. Cas turned to see Dean’s mom standing just behind him with two bowls in her hands.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m fine.” He forced a smile despite how his heart was being crushed into a million little pieces. 

“You’re sure?” she asked, a look of concern replacing her normal warm smile. He nodded and folded his hands over the picture frame so she wouldn’t see it.

“Hey mom! Is it ok if we go to the movies tonight?” Dean called out. Mary took her eyes off Cas to look over at her son.

“If your dad says it’s alright, then yes,” she replied. Dean got up, disappearing down the hall. He came back a few minutes later giving everyone in the room a thumbs up.

“You coming, Cas?” he asked when he realized the boy was still hovering in the kitchen.

“No, I think I’m going to go home,” Cas said. Mary looked up and frowned. 

“Your mom said you could stay the night, honey.”

“I’d rather not, if that’s alright,” he said softly so only she could hear. She was in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and she glanced over at the girl curled up against her son’s side before looking back at him.

“Alright. Would you like me to drive you home?” she asked.

“No, it’s alright, I can take the bus.” He stuffed the picture frame under his shirt and went to grab his coat. As he headed for the door Dean moved into his path.

“You were supposed to stay the night.” He sounded sad but Cas was fighting not to cry.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t feel well. Perhaps another night.” He pulled his coat tight and stepped around his friend. Dean watched him leave, a sadness filling him as he watched him go.

 

Cas walked in the front door and past his mother who looked surprised to see him home.

“I thought-” 

“I didn’t feel well. I’m going to bed,” he cut her off as he marched up the stairs to his room. Once inside he shut the door and locked it. His coat was tossed on his dresser, and he fell back in his bed as the tears he’d felt earlier finally came. He pulled the picture frame from where it was tucked in the waistband of his jeans and held it up. 

“I love you, Dean, so, so much,” he whispered under his breath. This time he was certain he meant it, though for the first time since he’d met the green eyed boy, he wished he didn’t.

 

Mary Winchester was saving all of the leftover chips when the phone rang. She grabbed it off the wall and put it to her hear.

“Winchester residence,” she greeted as she poured potato chips back into their original bag.

“Hi, Mary? It’s Naomi. How are you?”

Mary paused in her cleanup and carried the phone over to the kitchen table. She sat down.

“I’m good, how are you?” she asked.

“I’m doing well. I was just wondering if you had any idea why Cas came back tonight. He was so excited earlier about going to your house and spending the night. Now he’s locked in his room and won’t answer me. I-I think I heard him crying. Did he and Dean have a fight?” 

Mary sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Dean and his friends were gone, thank goodness. John was in the den with Sam and Charlie so there was no risk of anyone hearing her conversation.

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s just…” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Dean invited girls this year.”

“Oh. They…weren’t being mean, were they? Cas doesn’t have the easiest time around girls his own age,” Naomi said.

“No, he didn’t even talk to them,” Mary replied. 

“I’m confused. Was one of the other boys mean to him? Did he get picked on? Dean’s other friends have always been so very nice to him.” 

This was not a conversation Mary wanted to have over the phone, but it looked like it was happening that way anyway.

“No, no one was mean. Cas was doing great. I saw that he had a gift for Dean and everything, and he looked so happy about it, but, um, one of the girls…she’s Dean’s girlfriend. They just started dating earlier this week, and when she walked in, she kissed Dean. Cas saw it. After that he looked like he was about to cry. He said he wanted to go home. I offered to drive him but he refused.” She closed her eyes as she waited for Naomi to say something. Anything.

“Oh,” the other mother finally said. Her tone told Mary that she understood exactly what she was telling her.

“Yeah, I had that epiphany earlier tonight,” Mary laughed but it was a short, harsh sound. It hadn’t really been earlier tonight, it had been years earlier, and she suspected Naomi had known just about as long as she had. “Are you upset?”

“No, he’s my son, I love him no matter what. It’s just…I need a moment to adjust. Gabe already told us he’s bi. We’ve always suspected Cas was…different, but we didn’t want to embarrass him by calling him out on it. We figure if he has…other preferences, he’ll tell us in his own time. But he has me worried. It’s as though his heart were broken tonight. I’ve never seen him look so despondent,” Naomi sighed.

“I know. All we can do is give him some time and space. I’m sure in a few days he’ll feel better and want to come back around,” Mary assured her. Naomi agreed. Cas just needed time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Cas-Age 28**

Time was something Cas needed a lot more of than anyone had suspected. He stopped visiting the Winchester house, and he was cool towards Dean when he came over. Dean felt like he was losing his best friend, and he didn’t know why. He could feel Cas pulling away but he didn’t understand why, and no one would tell him anything. When high school came to an end, Cas moved across the country to attend Stanford, and he officially cut Dean out of his life. It had been the most painful thing he’d ever done. Rather than dwell on the loss of his first love, he chose to focus on his schoolwork, and four years flew by in the blink of an eye. After graduation he earned a teaching degree and moved back to Kansas, though not back home to Lawrence. 

He’d have been lying if he’d said he hadn’t thought of Dean in years. The truth was, though the picture frame had been damaged in a move a few years earlier, he still carried that picture with him everywhere. This particular spring afternoon he had decided to sit at an outdoor café and enjoy the warm air while he graded the last papers of the year. He hummed softly to himself as he sipped his chai tea and marked another paper graded. Just as he was about to pick another one up from the nearly empty stack, he saw a familiar face walking down the street in his direction, face buried in a cell phone. Before he could stop himself the name escaped his lips.

“Dean?” he gasped. The green eyed man in the suit had almost passed him completely but he stopped at the sound of his name and turned around. His eyes widened when he recognized Cas.

“Cas?!”

Cas offered a tentative smile and nodded. “Hello, Dean, how have you been?”

Dean didn’t answer. Instead he marched over and yanked Cas to his feet before hugging him so tight the man couldn’t breathe. Cas smiled wider and hugged him back. When Dean let go he motioned for Cas to sit back down before sitting down across from him.

“Where the hell have you been? Your mom said you went to Stanford? Says you completed your masters a few years back,” he said. Cas nodded.

“Yes, I did. I went to Stanford, and then the University of California at Sacramento, where I earned my masters. I teach at the University of Kansas now.” 

“That’s fantastic! So, you live here in the city then?” Dean asked.

“I do. About a block from here, actually,” Cas replied.

“Me too. Not that close though, but I’m in town too. So, what have you been up to?” Dean leaned forward a bit and Cas squirmed uncomfortably. All those feelings he’d spent so many years repressing were all rushing back now.

“Work, mostly. The occasional evening spent being harassed by brother, but nothing much else really,” he replied with a shrug.

“So, you’re not married?” Dean asked. Cas laughed, rather bitterly, if was being honest with himself.

“No, I’m not married. I was engaged once a few years back but that turned out to be a huge joke.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dean said, and he did sound genuinely sorry.

“What about you?” Cas asked. Dean shook his head.

“No, not married, not even dating right now. I eat, sleep, work, and spend way too much time in front of the TV.”

“Sounds like my life,” Cas laughed.

“We should get together some time, hang out. I miss you, Cas,” Dean said softly. Cas’ heart ached but he stomped that down real quick. He didn’t have a chance in hell with Dean and torturing himself with fantasies was pointless.

“That would be nice,” Cas said non-committally. 

“Say, do you still have that picture from when we were kids?” Dean asked suddenly. Cas’ tentative smile grew wider and he blushed as he lowered his eyes to the paper sitting in front of him.

“I…do actually. It’s in my bag.”

“You carry it with you?” Dean asked, surprised.

“My apartment was broken into twice this year alone, and I didn’t want it stolen,” Cas replied.

“Can I see it?” 

Cas bit down on his lower lip and nodded. He was already reaching for the bag. The picture was tucked carefully inside an inner pocket and he pulled it out. 

“Wow, this brings back some memories,” Dean laughed as he studied the picture. “I knew that day I’d found my best friend in the world.” He looked up at his old friend, his eyes softening as he studied Cas’ face. “It hurt when you left and didn’t write or call. Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

“No, of course not, don’t be silly.” Cas waved a hand dismissively. Dean didn’t seem to believe him but he didn’t push the issue. Instead he turned his gaze back on the picture. It gave Cas a moment to really study the other man. Dean had done a lot of growing up since he’d seen him last. The baby fat was gone, leaving behind a strong jaw, full lips, and impossibly long lashes that framed eyes so green they rivaled the color of the trees that lined the street they were on. And oh…the freckles….

He lowered his eyes to his tea before lifting it up and taking a sip. It had grown cold, but he barely noticed. Dean looked up at him again. He opened his mouth to say something but his phone chimed with a notification and he closed it again as he pulled the phone out.

“Crap, I’m late. I’m sorry, Cas, I have a meeting I have to get to.” He spotted a cab coming down the street and flagged it down. As he walked over, Cas followed him.

“Can I get your number?” Dean asked. Cas nodded and rattled it off to him, watching as Dean entered it into his phone. As he opened the cab door he suddenly remembered that he was still holding the picture.

“Oh, here, I almost forgot to give it back.” He held it out but Cas shook his head and refused to take it.

“Keep it. I was going to give it to you for your birthday one year, but…,” he sighed and crossed his arms. “You keep it,” he mumbled as he stared at the ground. Dean hugged him one last time before getting into the cab.

“Thanks, Cas. Don’t be a stranger this time, ok?” he said before closing the door. Cas offered him a tentative smile and nodded. As he watched the cab pull away from the curb, it felt like his heart was being torn from his chest all over again. In all of his twenty-eight years, the only person that he had ever felt this deeply for was Dean. With a heavy sigh he returned to his table and began packing his things up. He just wanted to go home now and drown his sorrows in whatever alcohol he could find.

 

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**Dean-Age 27**

Cas was the last person he ever expected to see again. He could sense his old friend was trying to avoid him, still, after all these years, though he had no idea why. He looked down at the picture in his hand again. He remembered fondly the day he had met Cas. The quiet boy with the intense blue eyes and wild, dark hair. He’d immediately liked Cas, though the boy had seemed quite worried that he wouldn’t. That made him try harder to be friends with the other boy, but he soon learned that with Cas, he didn’t have to try. It came easily to him, and by the time they’d parted ways that first day he knew they’d be best friends. 

What he hadn’t expected was the feelings that he would develop later for his friend. As they’d gotten older Cas had grown more and more handsome, until they reached a point where just looking at the other boy would completely take his breath away. He had wanted to spend all of his time with Cas, despite the fact that they lived across town from one another and didn’t attend the same schools. Every free moment he had, he had wanted it to be spent with the blue-eyed boy. But something had changed between them. Sometimes he wondered if Cas had figured out how he felt about him and was disgusted by it. Was that what had happened?  
He’d still been trying to act straight. His father didn’t have the best opinion on homosexuals, and all Dean had ever wanted was to make his father proud, so he had dated girls, mostly to make his dad happy, but all he’d ever wanted was Cas. He traced his finger over the picture and smiled. In it Cas was smiling at him, those blue eyes bright and happy, and Dean was sitting next to him, looking down at the rag tag bouquet of flowers he had picked for his mother. A vague memory reached him of plucking one of the flowers from the bouquet and offering it to his new friend. Cas’ eyes had lit up at the gesture and it had given him a strange, fluttering feeling in his belly to see it. He was pretty sure he’d known that day that he was in love with Cas. What he couldn’t remember was the date. Had his mother written it down on the back maybe? He turned the picture over and froze. Written there in Cas’ handwriting were the three little words he’d waited his entire life to hear.

“Stop the car!” he cried. They’d only gotten a block from the café, but he was scrambling to pull his wallet out, tossing money blindly at the driver.

“I’m sorry, I forgot something, I have to go back,” he said as he got out. Hanging onto his briefcase, he raced back towards the café, sending silent prayers that Cas was still there. As he rounded the corner he breathed a sigh of relief. Cas was gathering his things with slow deliberation. The sad look on his face broke Dean’s heart to see.

“Cas!”

The other man looked up, blue eyes wide with surprise. Dean stopped where he was and held the picture up, the words visible even where Cas stood. Those blue eyes grew impossibly wider and his hands dropped from where he’d been stuffing his laptop and papers into his bag. Dean hurried over to him.

“You tried to tell me, all those years ago, didn’t you?” he asked softly. Cas looked at the picture in his hands before meeting his gaze.

“I wanted to, but you had that girl in your arms…I’m sorry.” He lowered his gaze to the table before he returned to stuffing things his bag. “I have to go. You don’t have to humor me and say you’ll call. I understand,” he said softly as he turned to leave. Dean caught his arm, holding him in place.

“I don’t think you do, though. I was in love with you, too, I think from the moment I first met you, though I was just a little kid and didn’t know what the hell I was feeling.” Cas turned to face him.

“What?”

Dean reached up and pulled Cas’ bag off his shoulder, setting it back on the table before setting his own bag down. He took both of Cas’ hands in his own. “I never stopped loving you, Cas. I wondered what the hell I’d done to push you away. Guess now I know. That was all for show, my dad was homophobic and I was afraid of disappointing him, but you were what I wanted. I’ve missed you so much.” 

Cas felt the sting of tears in his eyes as he looked at Dean. “Really?” Dean nodded and wrapped his arms around his old friend, bringing their lips closer.

“I love you, Cas,” he said softly. Dean smiled, making Cas’ heart flutter. It was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“You’re not walking out of my life again, do you understand? I can’t lose you a second time,” Dean told him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cas promised. When Dean kissed him, he let his eyes flutter closed and he sighed. The only thing he had ever wanted in life was for Dean to love him even half as much as he loved Dean, and here he was, telling him he did. 

“What about your meeting?” Cas asked when they finally stepped back.

“I own the company. I can miss one meeting,” Dean replied, smiling.

“Would you like to join me for dinner?” Cas asked, hopefully.

“Tonight and every night from now on if you’ll have me,” Dean replied softly. Cas smiled as he picked his bag up and slung it over one shoulder. He took Dean’s hand and they started walking.

“ _I love you, so very much. I always have_ ,” he said under his breath later that night as Dean lay sleeping next to him in his bed. And he knew he always would.

**Author's Note:**

> I do hope you enjoyed that, and the artwork I included. Let me know in the comments below what you think. There are more stories to come! Please read my other works, and remember to leave comments, I love talking with you all!


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